Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
