i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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