There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
