There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
