How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
