I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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