I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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