remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
