you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
