so explain again why im purple
no
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
