hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
