We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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