Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
