So drunk its hurt
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
