There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
