My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
