I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
