you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
