Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
