I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
