I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
we should paint friendship bongs
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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