I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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