i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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