I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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