Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
