You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
