I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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