Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
