it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize