Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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