ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just pee around me
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize