I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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