bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
