He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
