i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
are you so shy because you have an std?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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