Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
