After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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