I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
