so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
