look no pants
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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