Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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