Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
