I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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