all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
