Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
