I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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