i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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