woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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