I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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