i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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