she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
