I'm lost and stupid without you.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
