We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
