good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
