coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize