Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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