Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We need a shit load of segways right now
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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