theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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