I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
