So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
