he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
