Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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