I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
