im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
